even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
