you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
