Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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