It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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