but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
