Umm I'm too high to move.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
