I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Boobs are out for the taking
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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