honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
