It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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