I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She said her name was "party"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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