you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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