I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
