what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I supernannyed him into submission
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
