Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
