her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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