i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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