I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
