Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
