You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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