I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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