BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
