Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
