her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
