last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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