those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
