do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
