there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Enjoy the penises
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
