he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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