I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
