Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
