you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
