I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I faked an abortion last night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
