He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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