So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
