it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
