The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
