you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
