How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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