i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
