I want to walk on stilts...naked
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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