just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
