the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
