hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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