the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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