Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
