Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
