i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
