There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
