New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
