I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
