I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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