Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
