I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
