I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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