Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your penis caused this!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
