she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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