you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
