I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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