4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize