Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
