I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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