life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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