Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
