I wish you could order shots online.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
