dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
someone owes me an orgasm
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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