doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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