his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
