Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
