Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
