I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
