my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
