Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That accounts for only three of the penises
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
